It’s a mild day at my house. The girls are getting along nicely and with the house clean, I wanted to take a moment to respond to the votes on Brewed Coffee. There was a great response, and I just want to say thank you to those who took a moment to vote. The winning topic is “How to keep the flame lit”.
I love to blog about relationships. I find the more ‘real’ the topic, the more realistic the post. So, refill that coffee mug and get ready to warm up! One of the most fascinating aspects of relationships is the ability for them to last a lengthy amount of time. The second most fascinating aspect of relationships is to keep the romance going. In this fast-paced world we live in, it’s very easy and often, a mystery, as to when, exactly, the flame goes out. For some, it happens early in the relationship – a sign of unhappiness – in which the two voluntarily part ways because they simply weren’t meant to be together. For others, it might occur over a longer period, and those are the ones you must really watch for. I call it ‘bedroom suicide’. I’ll tell you more about them in a little bit. Lastly, there are those who have become complacent, yet realize their romance is nearly out, and in a last-ditch effort to reignite the flame, they smother it completely. Read on to if you like what you’ve read so far.
First and foremost – Stop expecting the other person to make the first move. If you are a woman, and your man isn’t fanning that flame, don’t wait for him – just get in there and show him what you’re working with. It has never been a ‘man’s job’ to coax you into your romantic mood (although it does help), but you should not become the silent partner, waiting on an opportunity. Make your opportunity known. You’d be surprised at just how great romance can be when you take the initiative. If you are a man, and you are upset that your spouse is “cold”, light that fire! Nothing makes a woman feel more loved and treasured than a man who acts like a man. I’m not saying go shake it at her, but for the love of everything holy, find a way to make her feel like she is the heartbeat inside you, that you crave her, and that you’ll go absolutely mad if you can’t show her.
Secondly, don’t make excuses for why you can’t spend some quality time with your spouse. Sure, life happens, but it doesn’t have to happen every minute of every day. If you can take thirty minutes to read Facebook, you can take thirty minutes to spend with your spouse. It may not be an ideal time, and honestly, it probably won’t take that long (ladies and gentlemen, you know it’s not the length of time – it’s the beauty of the moment). If the dishes were dirty and you weren’t up washing them, they can wait a little longer. If the laundry in the basket is wrinkled, it isn’t going to wrinkle worse before you spend some quality time with him or her. The same goes for any other reason under the sun.
Next, Bedroom Suicide is a huge issue that I must address. It’s that moment when you tell your partner you are too tired to participate. The fact is, keeping the flame lit requires work, just as any other part of a relationship. When you become dependent upon so much during the day that you are too tired to spend some time with your spouse, you are committing bedroom suicide. You are responsible for killing the fire that you once stoked on a regular basis. Men, this goes for you, too. If you come home from work to a clean house, well-cared for children and a hot meal, you better thank her well. Women, if you have a man who pays for the roof over your head, treats you well, provides for you, and respects you, don’t treat him like a dog. Get in there and show him how much you appreciate him.
*Disclaimer – I’m not saying you should always say yes, but there is a difference between a valid need to say no and just not wanting to put forth the effort.
This one brings a little spontaneity back into the realm of relationships. Remember when… you would randomly go on a date, a car ride, get an ice cream together, or just go for a walk? Ask yourself why you stopped. Were your answers kids, work, or other job related tasks? I bet it was. Now, ask yourself why those became top priority over spending a little time with your spouse? Unless it was because of a life or death situation, there is no reason why you should have ever stopped with those small sentiments. Rather than planning a date, just go on a date. It may not be anything more than a car ride without the kids. A little bit of alone time with your spouse can make a world of difference in your relationship and helps you to reconnect when the world seems to be pulling the two of you apart.
Lastly, we become complacent in life. We find our groove and as we age, we don’t like change. Our routines become second nature. For instance, when I first wake up, I must turn on the coffee maker and use the restroom. Then I head to the bedroom to get dressed, make my bed, collect my dirty laundry, and grab the hamper. I return to the kitchen, start the washer, pour a cup of coffee, take my vitamins, and load the washer. EVERY MORNING! It’s like I can’t function without doing those things and in that order. I’m sure, if you thought about it, you would see you have a routine also, and it probably involves grabbing your mobile or tablet, checking Facebook, twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or texts. Others grab a newspaper and head to the bathroom for their 30-minute visit and crossword combo. This complacency that we have must stop. Switch up your routine. Instead of heading to the kitchen, head to the bedroom. Instead of grabbing your device, grab your mate. Instead of worrying about what’s going on outside the house, allow the relationship inside the bedroom to hold your thoughts, your actions, and your responses.
There you have it… My short list of ways to keep the romance going strong. I’m sure there are plenty of other ideas and tips out there, but for me, these seem to make the biggest difference and have the greatest impact.